Today was an awesome day. Not only did I get to spend an extra “Family Day” at home, I exercised my Handyman Skills. You might be thinking, “Handy Man Skills, is this Jon Cobler we’re talking about?” To quiet the skeptics I would like to share, in a step-by-step manner, exactly what I did. For those of you “less Handy” guys out there, you can consider this a step-by-step guide to being awesome.
The problem: We have these “light things” under the cabinets that are supposed to...you know, light up when you flip that switch by the fridge and they won’t light up. Actually, they haven’t for a long time. Last night I got fed up with them so I started hitting them (in a “handyman” kind of way, not out of anger, I am a man of the cloth), and they turned on. I thought, “I’m amazing!!!” then they turned off... not so amazing. It was then that I decided that I would have to take this task seriously, I might even need to use tools. This is what I did.
Step 1: Try to figure out if anyone owed me a favor. I couldn’t think of anyone, otherwise I would have called them.
Step 2: Make sure my mom isn’t in town. She’s a master fixer.
Step 3: Determine what tools will be needed. I started with a screw driver, but I kept a hammer handy just in case.
Step 4: Start unscrewing everything you can see.
Step 5: Retrieve the screws that fall on the floor or in between the oven and the counter.
Step 6: Stare at the light fixture hanging from the cabinet. Pray for wisdom.
Step 7: Start jiggling things.
Step 8: Realize you should probably turn the light switch off since you’ve just been jiggling LIVE WIRES. Pray a prayer of thanksgiving.
Step 9: Twist all the wire things and shake the rest for good measure.
Step 10: Start screwing it back in place.
Step 11: Unscrew it again to get the covers to fit back together.
Step 12: Screw it back together. Try to remember which screws go where. It’s really not a big deal though. If they fit, use them.
Step 13: Secretly see if it works. (In my case it did...Awesome)
Step 13.5: If it didn’t work, fake and injury. It’s the only way to save your reputation.
Step 14: (Assuming it worked) Announce, “I’m about to test the lights. Come around me children and wife. This will be a test of my manhood.”
Step 15: Dramatically flip the light switch and then shake your fist in silent victory.
Step 16: Keep mentioning throughout the day, “Hey, those lights really make the room, don’t they.” or something like that.
Victories like this don’t happen often, make the most when they do!
This one goes out to all my fellow handymen. Victory is ours.
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